Dear Schnauz,

First I want to apologize for the delays answering your emails and so on, the apologie is like the one of some random douche: “I’m really busy at the moment”. Sure thing it’s true I am really busy at the moment, nevertheless it’s not my overused excuse of choice.

The last couple weeks have been tough for me, I thought that I’m facing a major depression, like the real shit with therapy and stuff, but all of a sudden I came to the realization that honey badgers don’t get depressed.

Instead of drowning in self-pity I started writing, like you told me ages ago. The thing is that I don’t like diaries in the manner of “dear diary, today a bird tried to nest in my silly hair”, so I decided to do it a little different. You know how I told you about what kind of crazy books I read in the past, about psychology, spirituality and so on. After reading tons of this stuff I came to the realization that there is a way for everyone in life. Some get happy being Christians others being Buddhists, some are so much into not-believing that they join an atheist cult or a scientific cult others find inner peace with yoga and so on. I think you get the picture.

So I started writing my own self-help book. As I make my way in life I write what I learn from it as if I was talking to someone else. Simple lessons that may change my life or even change the rainforest forever (imagine printing that shit after 60 years of writing).

I wanted to thank you for the advice to write shit down and make yourself happier. See you soon, read you sooner.

All the best,

Schnäbi!

Dear Schnauz

I’m glad that we spent New Year to getter and partied hard as we always do. There ist still one question remaining about the brother we lost during the night. What could possibly have happened to him during the night, that he was in such a bad mood the day after?

Did the girl have a dick?
Did he encounter police while driving?

So far the start of 2012 was a blast and as you said, it’s going to be legendary and as I say, there is no fucking need to wait for it to happen, as we just make it happen.

So long your brother from another mother,

Schnäbi

Dear Schnauz,

As I mentioned before, I’m really looking forward to visit you at the place you call home, at least temporary, there are so many things to catch up on. This is going to be legendary without the need to wait for it.

The title of the story intents to give you further insight on the extremism I’m practicing and there are going to be further adjustments throughout the upcoming weeks. As I didn’t manage to get rid of my fucking smoking habit yet, this task is on my mind. Soon I’ll be a year older and therefore old enough to finally once and for all get rid of that fucking habit that has been bothering me the last couple years.

Benefits:

• Healthy living
• More energy
• Even more money in my pocket ;-)
• Increasing chances to live past fifty

Drawbacks:

• None

Well then what else can I tell you? I’m still struggling with the first time someone broke up with me, can’t get used to that fact and still miss that awesome girl I long thought of as “the one”.

I’m currently in the process of re-gaining my confidence and adapting to the new situation. So as I said before, I’m really looking forward to have a great time with you and your buddies soon.

All the best

Schnäbi

Dear Schnauz,

As you know I’m totally heartbroken right now. For the first time in my entire life a girl broke up with me. I never felt more helpless then now. There are certain things that make it very difficult for me to understand what happened.

1. Why wouldn’t she give us a chance to get to know each-other again after we spent so much time apart?
2. Should I listen to my friend who said that she will re-think about that break up and may give us a new chance later?
3. Should I do what my dick is telling me? To fuck as many bitches as possible to get over it?

Well whatever my decision will be, that girl was a blast and I thought for a long time that she was the one.

Life sucks so I may get drunk a lot during the next couple of weeks, sorry liver ;-).

So far, the heartbroken Schnäebi has spoken.